Dream 22: Carmen

I was in a dark basement looking for a girl. I kept screaming her name. I remember running around trying to find her, but it was all a maze. I remember it being wet, and there's pipes everywhere. I heard her yelling, and I kept yelling her name. Her name is Carmen. I was crying because I couldn't find her. Then I woke up scared. It felt so real.

Dream 21: Solitary

I had a dream that I was locked in a room, and as soon as the door was shut, it disappeared. I tried finding a door to get out, but I couldn't find one. I remember bookshelves, a fireplace, furniture, and other things in the room. I notice the wallpaper on the wall is shredded, and layers are falling down. I try peeling the layers away, but all it does is show a black neverending space. It's as if the wallpaper was just dangling there with no wall behind it. I try walking forward into it, and as I do I get stuck in it. I can't go back to the room I was at. I look around where I am and see nothing. Just darkness. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere a big pool of blood drops from above onto me.

Dream 20: Torture

I was chained down and someone was sticking hook-like needles through my skin. They attached it to another chain and they pulled it. They kept pulling and I was screaming. My skin started to pull off of my body. Then I woke up.

RIP Dad (Entry 05)

My dad was in the hospital getting chemotherapy to get rid of his leukemia. Everything was fine until he got a blood infection. Since his immune system was at 12 instead of like 200,000, he had gotten very ill. He had a fever of 106 and ended up not being able to breathe on his own. They had put him on a ventilator to breathe and he had about 9 bags of fluids + antibiotics going through his body. Some were for pain which made him groggy and sleepy. He could only nod his head, squeeze his hands or blink to respond. After a week he was getting worse. His blood pressure dropped really low a few times and his heart rate was getting too high. It got to the point where nothing was gonna make him better. He was on dialysis because everything in his body was shutting down. They took him off the medication on Monday and we were all there in the room. My sister and brother were playing guitar for him and we played a song he loved. Me and my sister were both holding his hands. His blood pressure and heart rate slowly dropped every second. Everybody said their goodbyes and then he passed away at 6:40PM EST. It was really hard for everyone. Even my mom, and it was then that she realized she still loved my dad. I don't know how I'm gonna live without him. He was always there for me, always loved spending time with me, taught me everything. He was my hero, for being so strong and always full of life, not caring what other people thought. As every day passes I'll never forget my dad and how great he was. I'm glad he is not suffering anymore and that he's in a better place. I love him, and I'll never forget him. May he rest in peace. I love you, Dad. <33

Dream 19: Vision of Death

When I was with Josh, I had a dream that I saw a casket, but it was closed. I saw his dad and sister there but not his mom or step-dad. I walked in and realized there were 3 caskets, not just one. I realized that it was his mom and step-dad. I cried and ran out of the room.

When I woke up I only told Josh I saw him. I didn't tell him I saw his mom and step-dad. That day he was supposed to go somewhere with them, but he didn't. He told me on the phone that his mom and step-dad were in a car accident and died.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Josh.

Entry 04

I keep wondering why is it that everyone who gets close to me dies. Mostly everyone dies in a car accident. When I was in middle school, there were two guys that I had liked and over the summer I found out they were in a car accident. Josh's mom and step-dad died in a car accident after I got close to him. My cousin, Rachel, who was only 22, died in a car accident. My cat got hit by a car. I would've been hit if I would've been there any sooner when I went to get the mail. I think I'm a magnet for death.

This week was horrible. My cat could have had leukemia, and the vet said the test was negative but there's still something wrong with him. His immune system is slowly killing himself by killing off white blood cells. My dad's leukemia is back, and now he has to get chemotherapy. He's debating whether he wants to go through it all again. I don't know how much longer my dad will be around, and it scares me. Along with that, my grandmother wants me out of the house because I have been standing up for myself, and she doesn't like it. She thinks I'm being a smartass or bitchy just because my dad is back.

Whenever I get angry or upset, she blames it on my mom, Ashley, my sister, or my dad. She thinks that everytime I go to see them I get pissed off, and I don't. It's because she is always on my ass telling me to do this, then do that. 24/7. I am not her slave, but yet she expects me to do anything and everything she tells me. Part of the reason I don't have many friends, and any relationships. When she tells me to get out, I'm actually happy because then I don't have to deal with her being so bossy.

Plain and simple: Life sucks! (especially around me)

Dream 18: Camp From Hell

I went on a camping trip, but everyone slept in cabins. We pulled up to the parking lot in a bus and the had to walk up the hill to get to the cabins. Everywhere you looked things were wrapped in barbed wire. It was creepy looking everywhere. We got to the cabins and it was getting dark so we settled in and went to bed. I heard a noise and woke up. The other cabin was on fire, and everyone was screaming. I saw a guy with long black hair come over to our cabin but instead, he came inside. He was watching me. He wanted to kill me for some reason. I kept running around the porch, and he chased me, throwing knives and swords at me. He had an axe, but he missed me. He had almost killed me, but he dropped his last blade. I grabbed it and shoved it through his chest, then pulling up. I was making sure he would die. He just stood there watching me, his blood pouring out, until he fell over. I had killed him. That's when I woke up.

Dream 17: Female Slavery

I was in a building with rooms for a bunch of girls, 2 girls per room. Everything seemed old, and the beds were like ones you see in a jail cell. No blankets, just a bed and a bathroom to use. There were also no windows. I was there with another girl. We were there to serve men for sex. Whether we wanted to or not, we had to. Someone came in to get her and she was yelling and crying. She didn't want to go but they pulled her out of the room by her hair. I was still in the room, watching them do it to her. I started crying and was scared. I decided to try and escape. They were doing something outside, playing some game. All the guys were there. A bunch were at the shed, some in the parking lot. I was sneaking out around the building to leave. I got most of the way out when a guy stopped me. He was pulling my hair and then slamming me into the wall. He wrapped his hand around my throat starting to cut off my air supply. Then a guy who said he was in charge of what happens to me came over. He ordered him to let go. He let me go, and I fell to the ground. I was crying, and the guy told me to shut up. I did as he said and then he pulled me back up to stand in front of him. I'm not allowed to look in his eyes. He ordered me to go with the guy who found me so he could use me over in the shed. The guy took me to the shed and shackled me to the bed that was there. He started fucking me, making me scream and cry. As I did, he slapped me and told me to shut up. When I didn't he started choking me again. He did it until I passed out. When he was finished he left me laying there, passed out. He told the guy in charge of me to take care of me. He unshackled me and carried me to my room. He left the room and locked it from the outside. He made sure there was a guard outside my door so I couldn't get out. Then I woke up from my dream.

Dream 16: Violation

I was being stalked by some guy I didn't know. He kept calling my house threatening me. I tried calling Josh but I couldn't reach him. The guy broke into my house at night, tied me up, and told me to shut up because I was screaming. I didn't shut up and he hit me. Then he drugged me so he could use me like he threatened.

Dream 15: Morbid Cabin

I was asleep in a bed with white blankets and sheets. My cat was sleeping beside me. I woke up to see I was in an abandoned house that had body parts hanging from the ceiling. There were also bloody torsos wrapped in plastic. Everything was drenched in blood except me, my cat, the bed, and white curtains. The window was open and a breeze was coming in. I went to get up to look around and woke up from my dream.

Dreams 12-14: Dreamweaver (Forced Dreams)

Dream 12
I dreamt that I was outside of my house at night in the backyard getting ready to go in to bed. I went and turned towards the door but saw a vampire standing, leaning against my house. He was watching me. I tried to run but he caught up with me forcing me back around. He was holding my arms tight almost bruising them. He said something to me but I forgot what he said and he grabbed my throat. He leaned my head and bit my neck. Then I woke up.

Dream 13
I dreamt I was in a dark place chained to the ceiling again like in my other dream. I was being tortured by the same people in my other dream again. Then I was being raped.

Dream 14
I was being raped by the same vampire in all of my dreams. Only this time I learned his name. It's Aubrey.

Entry 03 (Poems I Wrote)

Here are poems that I've written in the past week. Comment on them if you'd like. I'd like to know what you think.

Secrets
All of this guilt
Building up inside
It's eating away
Consuming my mind
The truth is dying
Dying to come out
Ready to be heard
I wanna shout it out
I wanna feel free
Can't keep this bottled up
I've gotta let you know
Everything I hold
Deep inside of me

Waiting
You said you'd be around to love me
When the rain was pouring down
But now that I am here
You're nowhere to be found
Why did you leave me
Waiting for that moment?
My love for you is fading
But still I choose to stay
Waiting in the pouring rain

Entry 02

Last night I heard whispers in my room. It sounded like someone saying my name and then something else but I couldn't understand it. Later that night all of a sudden I felt light-headed and dizzy. It was as if something was trying to make me pass out. After a few minutes it stopped. Then I felt something squeezing my wrist, and it hurt.

Today I feel really tired and drained of energy. Also like I can't think straight. Maybe it was from last night. I'm not sure. Anywayz, there has been weird things like that happening to me all the time. Sometimes I just wish it would stop but I know it won't. Right now I feel like if I close my eyes I will be asleep for hours on end.

Dream 11: Cheating Lover

I dreamt that I was checking my email. There was an email from Justin and I opened it. I read it and started to cry because he was being harsh. He said that we were over and that he never wanted me to talk to him again. I kept seeing this: WindH78. He said that he had found his angel and didn't love me anymore. I woke up and was crying so hard.

Dream 10: Submission

Josh snuck out of the woods and made me bow in front of him. My brother was there and he told him to leave but not to say anything to anybody or he would kill my family and all he told. I got up trying to run and Josh threw the knife and it went into the tree. I stopped and grabbed the knife. I gave it back to him as I started to cry. Then he held me down as he drugged me. Shooting something into my arm. I was knocked out and he carried me back to his car and drove off.

Dream 09: Kidnap + Torture

I had a dream that I was in a park with my brother. I was on my cell phone behind a tree and turned to realize 4 guys have ganged up on my brother, beating the hell out of him. One guy came up behind me and said that if I gave myself to them willingly that they'd leave my brother alone. I asked what would happen if I didn't. He said that if I didn't he'd kill both of us. I let him have me to save my brother. He called an ambulance for my brother and he took me in a van with the other guys. They started driving off and got a needle out, shooting something in my arm that knocked me out. I woke up chained to a bed and one of the guys was raping me. I started to scream and cry and he just hit me. He said if I would scream again he'd give me something to scream about. When he stopped, Justin had called my cell phone and one of the guys picked it up saying, "Hello Loverboy." I yelled for Justin and he heard me. Justin got the cops involved and they ended up finding me. I was in a cabin in the woods and they had stuck 15 needles in my arm, going through my skin. I had blood running down my arm. I was still chained when they had found me. Justin came rushing over to see if I was okay. I saw him and then I woke up from my dream.

Entry 01

Today was an okay day. I got up and took care of a few things around the house. I went to the store so that we could have something for dinner. As I was cooking dinner I burnt my wrist on something hot...it'll probably leave a scar. It still hurts now. My uncle and my dad almost got into a fight and ended up putting me in the middle of it. I get to the point anymore when there is arguing here, I stay away because I always get the shakes, and I get scared. I'm tired of everyone fighting here all the time. This home is so disfunctional. I can't stand it here anymore.

Dream 08: Gothic World of Chaos

I was in a cafeteria-like place only there was a stage. It got dark and then a metal band started to play. There were a bunch of people talking. On every table there was a bunch of grapes and a banana. I picked the grapes up looking at them. Justin started to eat the banana. I was laughing at him. He said, "What? I'm hungry." Then he started to laugh as well. After everyone left it was dark out. I saw everyone and they all had wings. They were flying away. I stayed for a while. Then they came back close to sunrise and saw that Justin and I were human and not vampires like them. They started chasing us and as the sun started to rise, instead of them burning, they turned to stone. We warned everybody of the vampires. My grandmother, Angel, and I went to the store to get a few things before sunset. It was dark when we got back and we almost hit a dog that looked exactly like Angel. We had to drive slow because there were children in the streets. They looked like vampires too. We got home and got everything inside before the vampires came. We shut and locked all the doors and windows. Covering them too. Angel got outside somehow when the vampires came and she was barking at them and chasing them as some rode on motorcycles. They were burning things outside too, trashing everything. I didn't realize but they had turned Justin. He let them in the house. He started to come after me with them after killing my family. I yelled, "Wait!" He stopped because he realized what he was about to do to me. The others grabbed me and pinned me against the wall waiting for him to bite me as they started to feed from me. I was scared and crying. I told Justin, "Don't kill me, I love you! If you must do this at least turn me so I can be with you. I want to be with you forever." I broke free from them and we hugged each other not realizing I just gave him direct access to my neck. He kissed my neck and said that he was sorry. Then I felt his teeth sinking in. I left out a loud moan and after he was done I was so weak and almost dead. My tears were running down my face and he layed me on the bed. He bit his wrist and put it to my mouth. He said to drink it so I did. I had become a vampire. He wiped my tears away and kissed me. He said, "Everything will be fine. We're together now. I love you, Miss." I smiled at him and gave him a great big hug saying that I loved him too. Then I woke up.

Dream 07: Death/Serenity (Vision/Daydream)

I was dreaming of morbid images like the kind you see in horror movies. Half-decayed faces and dark figures. Then out of nowhere my dream switched over to a world that was so beautiful. There was a woman there in white. She had long blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, about 23 or 24 looking, a wreath of some kind on her head, and she had the most beautiful smile. I felt peaceful and happy. This is when I realized that it wasn't a dream. I was wide awake.

Dream 06: Falling

I was running through the woods from something. I remember having to tell someone something important. Then I ran off a cliff, over a large body of water with huge rocks at the bottom. I woke up right before I fell. Before I woke up I felt like I was actually falling. I thought I was falling out of bed.

Dream 05: Vampire Coven

I was chained to the ceiling by my wrists. I was naked and there were five people around me. Four of them were in black robes so I couldn't see their faces. The one I saw had short black hair, black eyes, and pale skinned. He wore a tight black t-shirt and jeans with a gold chain around his neck that had and upside-down cross on it. He had two tattoos. One on each arm. One was of a serpent, the other of a wolf. The ones in the robes started to whip me and I started to cry and scream. That is when I realized that the one watching was a vampire because I saw his fangs when he grinned. Everyone stopped whipping me and he came over licking all of the blood off of me. They all had broken the skin. The pain in my dream felt real. I woke up and I was sore all over and weak. When I dreamt of that vampire I wasn't afraid. I felt like I knew him somehow. I've seen him before in one of my dreams but I don't remember very clearly what had happened.

Dream 04: Demons + Secrets (Reoccurs)

I was in a library looking around. I found an old brown leather book that was huge. It had to have at least 2-3,000 pages in it. It was locked shut with chains around it. I tried to open it but I didn't succeed. I heard everyone starting to scream, shoving me out of the way, running out of the library. I just stood there still holding the book. I was then alone. Black smoke started to fill the room and I heard someone behind me. I turned around and saw the same demon as in my first dream. I wasn't afraid but I felt safe and protected. He gave an evil grin and then I woke up.

Dream 03: Door To Light (Reoccurs)

I was in a library looking around at all the books. There were lots of people around. Then I found a secret room. I went inside to find a lot of books that were older, and I found a huge door. Everything was dusty and covered with cobwebs, and the room was so dark. I saw the door and it had symbols on it. It looked sort of like runes. If they were, I don't know. The top of the door was a curve shape. It had to be about 8 feet tall. I saw a demon with wings, white glowing eyes, claws for hands, and long sharp teeth perched on a bookshelf. Maybe it was a gargoyle. I'm not sure. He was watching me, wanting me to open the door. I walked over to the door and tried opening it but before I did I woke up from the dream.

Dream 02: Death of a Loved One (Vision/Dream)

I had a dream about my cat, for three nights in a row before it actually happened, getting hit by a car. He had gotten out in the middle of the night and ended up at the road. My uncle was about to leave for work and saw him along the side of the road. I heard him come in and I woke right up and knew something was wrong. All I heard him say to my grandmother was "the cat". He was crying. I ran out and saw Toby in the back yard. He had carried him up from the road. He was still alive and could barely breathe. I broke into tears, and I started yelling "No!". He was bleeding and suffering so much pain. There was nothing I could do but watch my best friend die. I cried for days. I love him so much and I miss him too. I still think about him often. RIP Toby.

Dream 01: Innocence Lost (When I Was Little)

This is a dream I had when I was little.

I dreamt that I was sitting in my bedroom at my old house. I was on my bed reading a book and someone appeared in front of me out of nowhere. I went to say something to them because I was frightened. Before I could say anything though they created a huge energy ball and threw it at me. I yelled because it hurt. I flew back, hitting the wall, and I was knocked out. I fell over and then that's when I woke up.